Last Words and Giggles
by freiheitfuehlen
Summary: It´s simple.It´s about Addison and Derek.Set after the season 2 finale and after Addison learned about Derek´s little get together.Addison´s finally speaking up because she´s been quiet and hurting for far too long.


**Disclaimer:**I own nothing and no money is made by this.I just borrowed these two and will return them after playing around a little.

**Author´s Note:**It´s simple.It´s about Addison and Derek.Set after the season2 finale and after Addison learned about Derek´s little get together.Addison´s finally speaking up because she´s been quiet and hurting for far too long.

I do not have a beta,so there might be mistakes in there.If you think that supporting me would be a good idea and you like beta reading, then please comment on this.I really need someone who´s correcting my work since English isn´t my mother tongue.

A special thanks goes to **astral-angel** for putting up with my mistakes and there were a lot of them.I´m really thankful that you are betaing my story!

Read and Review,please!

She wasn´t saying anything..Actually , she was silent ,something she hadn´t been in a while.She was just slightly nodding her head and staring blankly off to the side.

Derek looked at her,expecting and awaiting her blow up.But to his surprise she just started giggling.

"Addison?" Derek questioned curiously , not knowing what could have caused the sudden burst of giggle.

It took her a few seconds to calm down and stop giggling before she answered him.

"Actually,Derek,I think it´s ironic and slightly funny that although I am _trying_ to be mad at you,so that maybe I can scream or yell at you like you deserve.Hopefully , beat you up with my purse.And you know what?I can´t!I can´t be mad at you,Derek!"

And she started giggling again.It wasn´t a hysterical kind of giggle,nor a heartbreaking one.It simply was the reality hitting on a woman who had tried to create her own reality for far too long and was now seeing the walls slowly falling down.

She muffled her giggles,but silenced a confused Derek by raising her hand where her wedding ring was still glinting in the light of the hall.

"No,Derek.Let me finish this,please!So I was naive and foolish enough to let myself believe in us again and to believe that our marriage would magically change and become what it used to be before we started putting our careers firstA , ahead of the love of our lives , ahead of each other.And yes,Derek,I do still think you are the love of my life."

She stared at him , green eyes meeting blue , as if she was trying to burn the statement into his soul and mind and force it to stay there forever.

"So I came to Seattle,gave up everything I had built up back in New York.The clinic,my friends...parts of me.But I came here and I never regretted trying to fight for this , for our marriage.Fight for your love and trust while you were obviously in love with someone else and didn´t even care enough to hide it.I held everything in and pretended to not see you secretly pining for Meredith Grey and the what ifs´.I even apologized for the outbursts when all your avoiding and ignoring me was too much to bear."

She paused,needing to take a breath.She lowered her eyes to the floor before lifting them again to look him in the eye . She continued talking spillingg all the emotions she so successfully hoarded these last months.

"So after this year,Derek , after falling apart day by day because I clung to all the little things you threw me so I wouldn´t have to face the truth.After you standing in front of me with those blue eyes that always made me forgive you faster, and now you are are confessing , no, actually , stating that you just had sex with the woman you claim to love.And the thing is , there´s no one else to blame but me.Not you and not her,just me.I fooled myself.I cheated on me.I betrayed me."

She looked up again with force and strength that Derek wouldn´t have expected from her after everything that happend.But it was exactly this realization,this reality revealing its depths that made her brave enough to finally speak up.To say those last words that she needed both of them to hear to move on , to get over the whole situation that seemed to held no happy ending in the cards for her.

"It's ironic that although I should hate you, all I feel about you, all I feel towards you is empty and numb."

With these words Addison picked up her purse , put on her jacket and headed to the main entrance without once looking back at a stunned Derek.

She stopped briefly and said without turning around "Goodbye,Derek."

It was done.The last words had been written.

It was time to close the book.


End file.
